Category Archives: Illustration

The Girl I was Stalking

a pretty Chinese girl is looking at her phone, from Shenyang China

Drawn from a photo I took for my friend Ezio in Shenyang, China. Despite having taught Ezio how to use the camera on his phone a few time, he can’t seem to stop taking blurry shots of his fingers.  So while we were in Shenyang I was in charge of taking photos for him. He kept on telling me he wanted to capture the “beautiful Manchurian faces” around him. Which means I had to walk around on stealth mode and sneak photos of the good people of Northern China.

My Drunk Third Uncle

My dad grew up on a farm in Peng Lai (a.k.a. The middle of nowhere) and most of his extended family still lives there. The village he’s from is called Dai West Village and almost everyone there has the same last name as me. My dad has a sister and 5 brothers.

This is my drunk Third Uncle. Middle Aged Asian man with dark thick eye brows. He's kind of on the fat side.  He's red in the face most of the time and it seems like he can never blink both his eye simultaneously.

Third Uncle is the family drunk.

First Uncle used to be the family drunk. He died of liver failure. Then Second Uncle was the family drunk. Several years ago he got severe diabetes. Now he drinks weak tea, eats vegetables, and looks sad.

Rice with veggies and some cucumber. There's also tea in a Jar. We're not fancy folk. Chops sticks in front. This is what my Diabetic Second Uncle has for dinner.

As the family drunk, my uncle goes to the only bar in town everyday and meets the “Heads of Drinking” of other prominent families in the village.

My Third Uncle is really red in the face and rowdy when drunk. He tries to bully everybody into drinking and calls anyone who refuses a little bitch. My diabetic Second Uncle is the only exception.

My (Betty) Family Tree. My grandparents had 7 kids so the tree is quite big. I gave everyone nicknames to protect their privacy and also I don't remember their names. I am the daughter of the fourth son.

His son, my cousin with the super long pinkie nail (hereafter Pinkie Nail Cousin or PNC), leaves the room whenever his father drinks. After a few drinks, my Third Uncle points out what a colossal failure PNC son is. This is why my Pinkie Nail Cousin has never touched a drop of alcohol in his life. PNC is funny, soft spoken, and very nice.

In this cartoon I'm telling my PNC "I don't think you are a failure. You've got a wife who is way too hot for you. Please Don't touch me with your long ass nails". He has his hands on my shoulder displaying his long ass fingernails. It's a pretty bad self portrait.

When my family went to visit the village during Chinese New Year, Third Uncle became drunk and started yelling at me about shit I did when I was 5. I kept on telling him I don’t remember any of it but it only seems to fuel his anger. So then I just gave up and joined him in describing my abominations. This pleased him excessively.

Every time I see Third Uncle I always wish him health. I’m not particularly fond of him but if he dies, my dad is next in line in becoming the family drunk. Please don’t croak Third Uncle.

Another Picture of Third Uncle. This time he's really drunk. He's giving you the thumbs up.

My Most Memorable Students

The Overly Enthusiastic One

The Overly Enthusiastic One
He sat at the very front of the class always looking grave and serious. He raised his hands for every question I asked. Problem was he didn’t know the answer to most of the questions. When he got a question wrong, he sagged his head and hunched. His facial expression was a cross between a lost puppy and an old man who had lost everyone he loved. It was too funny. I picked him mostly for hard questions.

The Rebellious One 
He gave me a really hard time in my first class. He wouldn’t listen to anything I have been saying and kept throwing bits of paper at his classmates. I told him stop. He wouldn’t. I told his to stand outside the class. He wouldn’t budge. At that point I knew that if I wanted any kind of control over the class, it was a fight I had to win. In the end I had to physically drag him out the door by his arms while he kicked and screamed sitting on the floor. Once he was outside, I slammed the door on him. Next class, he apologised and presented me with two origami stars. We were both relieved that it was over. I really ended up liking this one. He was quick, intelligent, and funny. After the big blow out, he was a great student. He still challenged me once in a while and sometimes I would let him get away with it because I didn’t want to crush his spirit. The world would be such a boring place if everyone was docile.

The Dirty Girl
Most of the kids at my school look very well taken care of even if they were poor. This girl looked the opposite. Her uniform was always covered with dirt and her hair always looked lanky and unwashed. While sitting in class, she would always have a finger up her nose, twisting it languidly. Once she collected enough material, she rolled it into a little ball with her thumb and index finger and sent it flying in the air. The worst part was, she kept on wanting to touch me. She would reach out her dirty little hands for a high-five whenever I walked to her corner of the class. I knew she just wanted affection. I wish I could have been more of a grown up about it but I was too busy dodging her booger hands.

Dirty Girl's Dirty Hands
Dirty Girl’s Dirty Hands

The Class Clown
He was always getting into trouble. He actually liked being sent to the back of the class so he could make faces and make the other kids laugh. His constant attention seeking exhausted me. Little dude, why do you have to try so hard? He’ll probably grow up to become a Karma Whore on Reddit. He’d be good at that.

The Know It All
Out of all my students, she probably knew the most English. She knew the answer to every question and always raised her hand high in the air and shouted “Teacher, pick me! Let me try”. If I didn’t pick her she would get this desperate look as if she was about to pee herself. Since my biggest fear while teaching was that one of my students would piss or shit their pants, I called on her a lot. In case she actually wanted permission to go to the bathroom.

When I taught them the song ‘The Wheels on the Bus Go Round and Round’, she kept on telling me that I got the words wrong. “Sweetie, it doesn’t matter if bus goes ‘bumpdy bump’ or ‘clickdy clack’ first. It’s the same song. Just go with it. Mmmkay?”. She kept on singing the version she learned. “Whatever. As long as she doesn’t pee herself.” I thought.

The One Who was in Love with Me
After a couple of weeks at the school I realised that I saw this Six Grader way too frequently. At least once in the morning, once during recess and two to three times during lunch. When I turn a corner there he would be. He would stand tall, raise his hand, gave me a small wave and said “Hello Teacher!” He always said the same thing. Always the same wave. I found it utterly amusing and I would always laugh a little when I saw him. I think he took it as a sign that I liked him back because near the end of the school year I found him lurking near my apartment building. Not sure if cute or creepy.

Don't look directly into her evil soulless Eyes
Don’t look directly into her evil soulless Eyes

The Devil Child
I should have known that there was something seriously wrong because as soon as I arrived, the home room teacher shot out without saying a word to me. She was the smallest girl in grade one. She had a baby doll face with beautiful round eyes. She was an angel, until she didn’t get her way. When she was displeased her eyes would fill with malice. She would ball her hands into little fists of fury, scream and run around the class like a deranged Velociraptor. She punched me with her steely little fists more than once. The beating I could take. But that scream! That horrid high-pitch scream that made all me feel like all my brain cells would burst. Her class learned nothing and watched a lot of Tom and Jerry. I was at the mercy of the Devil Child. I did her bidding.

My Little Brother

My Little brother is almost 14 years my junior. When he was younger, I loved to carry him around. My family moved to China 5 years ago and I haven’t seen him in person for 5 years. Now, he is taller than my dad and weighs more than my boyfriend.

photo 3

My brother is only 12 but he looks and sounds like an adult. It’s hard not to forget that he’s only 12. He’s also quite mature but once in a while he does things indubitably childish.

photo 5

He’s obsessed with Apple and Starbucks. He told me when he grows up, he’s going to work on his Mac Book Air at Starbucks. In the summer I bought him his first Frappuccino. He kept the empty plastic cup for 2 months.

When he was about 7 or 8, we watched The Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift together and he liked it so much, he watched it 5 or 6 times. But he doesn’t remember the movie at all. So I downloaded it for him again and he liked it so much he watched it 5 or 6 times – again.

photo 2

He likes going to the mall with me. He likes to ask my opinion about things and then he’ll repeat what I say to his friends.

photo 1

He tries so hard to be cool. He’s probably the only person who thinks I’m cool