Tag Archives: Family

My Drunk Third Uncle

My dad grew up on a farm in Peng Lai (a.k.a. The middle of nowhere) and most of his extended family still lives there. The village he’s from is called Dai West Village and almost everyone there has the same last name as me. My dad has a sister and 5 brothers.

This is my drunk Third Uncle. Middle Aged Asian man with dark thick eye brows. He's kind of on the fat side.  He's red in the face most of the time and it seems like he can never blink both his eye simultaneously.

Third Uncle is the family drunk.

First Uncle used to be the family drunk. He died of liver failure. Then Second Uncle was the family drunk. Several years ago he got severe diabetes. Now he drinks weak tea, eats vegetables, and looks sad.

Rice with veggies and some cucumber. There's also tea in a Jar. We're not fancy folk. Chops sticks in front. This is what my Diabetic Second Uncle has for dinner.

As the family drunk, my uncle goes to the only bar in town everyday and meets the “Heads of Drinking” of other prominent families in the village.

My Third Uncle is really red in the face and rowdy when drunk. He tries to bully everybody into drinking and calls anyone who refuses a little bitch. My diabetic Second Uncle is the only exception.

My (Betty) Family Tree. My grandparents had 7 kids so the tree is quite big. I gave everyone nicknames to protect their privacy and also I don't remember their names. I am the daughter of the fourth son.

His son, my cousin with the super long pinkie nail (hereafter Pinkie Nail Cousin or PNC), leaves the room whenever his father drinks. After a few drinks, my Third Uncle points out what a colossal failure PNC son is. This is why my Pinkie Nail Cousin has never touched a drop of alcohol in his life. PNC is funny, soft spoken, and very nice.

In this cartoon I'm telling my PNC "I don't think you are a failure. You've got a wife who is way too hot for you. Please Don't touch me with your long ass nails". He has his hands on my shoulder displaying his long ass fingernails. It's a pretty bad self portrait.

When my family went to visit the village during Chinese New Year, Third Uncle became drunk and started yelling at me about shit I did when I was 5. I kept on telling him I don’t remember any of it but it only seems to fuel his anger. So then I just gave up and joined him in describing my abominations. This pleased him excessively.

Every time I see Third Uncle I always wish him health. I’m not particularly fond of him but if he dies, my dad is next in line in becoming the family drunk. Please don’t croak Third Uncle.

Another Picture of Third Uncle. This time he's really drunk. He's giving you the thumbs up.

My Little Brother

My Little brother is almost 14 years my junior. When he was younger, I loved to carry him around. My family moved to China 5 years ago and I haven’t seen him in person for 5 years. Now, he is taller than my dad and weighs more than my boyfriend.

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My brother is only 12 but he looks and sounds like an adult. It’s hard not to forget that he’s only 12. He’s also quite mature but once in a while he does things indubitably childish.

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He’s obsessed with Apple and Starbucks. He told me when he grows up, he’s going to work on his Mac Book Air at Starbucks. In the summer I bought him his first Frappuccino. He kept the empty plastic cup for 2 months.

When he was about 7 or 8, we watched The Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift together and he liked it so much, he watched it 5 or 6 times. But he doesn’t remember the movie at all. So I downloaded it for him again and he liked it so much he watched it 5 or 6 times – again.

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He likes going to the mall with me. He likes to ask my opinion about things and then he’ll repeat what I say to his friends.

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He tries so hard to be cool. He’s probably the only person who thinks I’m cool